[musings] 7/15/16

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just some musings over some thoughts…

these days I do think about my past relationship from time to time.

it was very short. from 2/17-5/29 so like a little over 3 months.

it’s interesting because I think about it occasionally but then when I do try to remember more of the relationship, it feels so surreal. almost like it never happened. yet the time that has passed has only been 5/29-7/15, so a little under 2 months. when I try to remember some of the memories, I can’t. it’s like I’ve already forgotten. it’s like almost just a friendship that was very brief. and then when I try to remember my first relationship, that one is almost nonexistent.

.

makes me wonder about my relationship with my father. I knew him from 6/13/1996-3/14/2014. 18 years. and the time that’s passed is 3/14/2014-7/15/2016. over two years. memories with him are so foggy. they are beginning to fade away, more and more. I hope I never forget his voice.

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interesting, because God answers the lousiest of my prayers. things that I subconsciously pray for; things that I basically lightly tap on His shoulder for. things that sometimes I forget to even ask for. He answers.

I am going to be in a homestay in Tokyo next week. it all happened on a whim, really. The program coordinators asked if anyone wanted to be with a homestay family for a week. I just happened to take the offer. the next day I was assigned to be with a family who was eager to meet me and who had already sent a message. I was provided for with a guarantee of breakfast and dinner for the next week. I had been recklessly splurging money and I briefly asked for God to help me and to provide for me. He answered. so easily. so obviously.

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these days, I am really distant from God, which makes me sad. and the fact that it doesn’t sadden me to the point of grief makes me feel disappointed. I can’t remember the last time I worshipped Him by singing songs of praise. that was my main love language and means of communication with Him. I dearly miss it.

I really can’t wait to go to Prayer Mountain in Korea. it will be so lovely; that time of solitude with the LORD. there really is no running away, He will be there. and I will be able to worship Him freely, loudly for the first time in about 2 months. and He will be there.

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LORD I pray that You would give me a praise anointing. Please improve me in worshipping You and leading that worship as well. Help me to hear You and talk to You. Help me to grow in intimacy with You. Please keep Your promises. I love You LORD. Please help me to learn how to receive Your love.

 

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