[musings] 7/25/16

DSC_5251this blog has just become a rant forum HAHA…

I need some musings time…

listening to Holding Nothing Back by Jesus Culture makes me miss VBS. the freedom…

 

I get to see my mom in about a month and 5 days! I can’t wait. can’t wait for hot cheetos too.

Japanese food gets a little too mild and bland after a while…so I had to go out and eat some Thai food and Mexican food. boy oh boy…I am so blessed to live in California, the melting pot…

it’s been a month since I left US…how time has flown by.

my arm is still plagued, but I still pray for it. I know it’s spiritual warfare, so I don’t fret, nor do I fear. I am always at peace. Interesting that my pastor’s prophecy over me was a season of peace, because even in the midst of confusion, change, new surroundings, new environments, spiritual warfare, temptation, I feel at peace. Nothing overwhelms me too much. If I endure something, I endure. If I feel confused, His new mercies and wisdom wash over me and I feel refreshed and at peace.

I am not the best of Christians. I sin. I am not perfect. I don’t seek God all the time. But I am at peace. I am His daughter, always and forever, no matter what.

 

I feel like I’ve sort of realized why I’ve come to Japan. The revelations came slowly, but abruptly over this week actually. By conversations with Brian and Victoria, I realized how much of a selfish, superior person I was. I belittled others to make myself feel better. I used Christianity as a stepping stone to make myself superior to others. I pitied others because they didn’t share my values.

But I’ve realized now that my values aren’t the most important values. Everyone’s values are equally important. I am not superior to others; I am not the wisest. Just because I am Christian, just because I know God doesn’t mean I am the wisest among others.

Other’s thoughts are equally as important as mine. Even if they are against Christianity, even if they don’t know, even if they have nothing to do with it, their values are equally as important as mine.

God is sovereign, and He sent me to Japan to escape the poisonous Christian bubble. I was in such a SWEET spot. The VBS high, the missions passion, the KCM Core leadership, the SoW body worship position, the soon-to-be JAM staff all were so many victories in my life. and they were the things that were the center of my life. I was surrounded by a Christian bubble; I never left the presence of good-hearted, God-fearing men and women. It was always positive and safe.

But by now I know God’s character; He loves to challenge me and He loves to give me ups and downs.

He sent me to Japan to learn how to live and deal with and befriend different people again. Going back to my roots; where I grew up always in a mostly Mexican neighborhood, went to a school with majority Blacks, Whites, and Hispanics; almost no asians. Always outside of my comfort zone. As soon as I was starting to feel joyful, safe, and having a sense of belonging. But God always sends me out into the wilderness.

So that’s what was revealed to me this past weekend. And now I have so much peace once more. I love it, I am embracing it now. I love the thoughts and opinions of these bright interns and friends that I have been blessed with here. And I pray and hope that I can establish deep relationships with these people. Because one of my life struggles has been forging deep relationships. Especially with non-Christians. Please help me; be my strength, oh LORD.

 

In regards to prophecy, I have not been reading my books nor asking God for it. But I have been thinking about it a lot. I feel like I was born with high awareness of people and their personalities. I really always analyze people and try to understand. And I feel like I have a high level of understanding for peoples. So I wonder if God gave me this gift especially to discern others and to understand them, and act accordingly so that I may befriend them according to their needs. Perhaps my spiritual gift is for discernment? Nah, I am so foolish and gullible; never mind.

I have been going on activities or eating out every day. I need to take a break and save money. See ya laters. I’m tired.

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