[musings] 8/9/16


God sent me to Japan for a reason; to grow in character and discover some more of my identity in Christ Jesus.

Today for the first time in my life, a person outside of church, outside of KCM, a friend I made on my internship, a friend that I just found out was Christian today, blessed me and thanked me for my boldness for Christ and my help in allowing her to realize why God sent her to Japan.

How amazing it is to find another member of the body of Christ!

Today I presented my life mission to the interns and the students. It was my first time presenting to the whole group. Maybe I was nervous, maybe I was unprepared, but my presentation was a total shipwreck. Unorganized was the first aspect; spontaneous ideas spitting out of my mouth was another. Friends afterwards told me that I should do stand up comedy because it was so ridiculously funny. But for some reason, I just kept saying things that I didn’t really prepare to say beforehand, during my presentation. Perhaps the LORD sensed the hearts of His people in the crowd and was using the Holy Spirit to tell me what to say. I said many things that the company I work for would probably wish I hadn’t said; but I said much truth and honesty to the children and interns that it’s almost impossible to find a concrete answer to life. We always change. We never know what truly is going to happen. I confessed to everyone that I was probably maybe going to do fashion, but I also had a chance that I would change and be led to do something else. And that my major was kind of inapplicable to me because it was so broad; I could technically do whatever I wanted with it. One thing for sure was that I was the most passionate and bold that I had been yet in the past few weeks I have been presenting. I really elaborated on Christ this time. I really elaborated on my family’s non-profit, my missionary background, and my Christian passions. My presentation didn’t have much education and much information on my majors; but it had raw passion and experience that came from my heart.

Afterwards, my friend Amy approached me and asked to talk more with me about my life mission. She explained to me that she had a friend who was doing the same thing I was; she had gone on many missions and was also trying to work in fashion. But Amy herself explained to me that she was struggling with her faith, wondering why God had sent her to the country of Japan soon after graduating from college. She had explained that she had always been on the waitlist for things; not necessarily getting the internships and jobs she had applied for and waited for. She was frustrated with her position, and explained that she had only been offered this internship. She didn’t know why she was sent to Japan.

I briefly replied to her that I had felt the same way. I didn’t know why I was sent to Japan and why I was in Japan, even when I had really wanted to go to Japan before and was even a Japanese major. I told her how I had been reluctant about leaving home, church, family, and friends, and a summer that I could enjoy, relax, worship, and have fellowship. And then I told her how I recently realized that it was so selfish. I told her how I realized that enjoying my summer at home would have only benefitted me, myself, and I. But after being in Japan, I realized that people in Japan needed to hear about Jesus. I couldn’t explain my identity and allow others to get to know me without explaining my substance; which is Jesus Christ. So I realized that God had sent me here to do exactly that, inspire others with my love of Jesus. To encourage a newer audience with my faith. To give people who really need it, an encounter and taste of how good He is.

After, we parted briefly with plans to go to church together on Sunday.

And then while I was at home, surfing the web as usual, she messaged me saying this:

“Hey Selah! I wanted to tell you this during lunch today but I’m not very good with expressing my emotions in front of other people. BUT HERE GOES!!!!!! I just wanted to say thank you so much for your presentation today!! I really appreciated your raw honesty and genuineness when you were saying how you didn’t know your life mission but you were moved by your faith and experiences. It’s so bold of you to not be afraid to share your faith in front of the Japanese students.
I really needed to hear your words today and to see why God has brought me here to Japan. So again, thank you for you for living out your faith in a very honest way!!”
 Amen, Christ Jesus. Thank You. Thank You.
Wow. I’ve never received affirmation from someone I had just met and who I had met outside of church and KCM.
So this is what ministry is.
This is what missions is.
Getting out of your comfort zone. Going out into the wilderness. Being bold for Christ Jesus, holding nothing back, and encountering Him in different ways not thought of before. Taking courage and doing things that probably wouldn’t be thought of at home. Taking leaps of faith, when no one you know is watching. Taking leaps of faith for the eyes of God and Him alone.
Wow, God. You really helped me today. I didn’t even think of being bold for You today. You gave me the opportunity and helped me seize it. You made me come alive. You preached through me, and then you actively helped me live out the preaching.
I’m finally living for the first time.
I think I’m starting to figure out some of my identity in Christ Jesus. Looking back at my powerful conversation with JoJo before I came to Japan (I think about this conversation a lot; it left a huge impact on me), I remember her talking about how she was a forerunner in the kingdom of God. That led me to think what role I had in the kingdom as well. Everyone wants to be important, right. I have been wondering what God wants me to do for Him in my life. There’s so many things I could do, and there’s so many things I can probably do for Him, so it leads me to constantly wonder.
But I think and I’m starting to guess, that maybe some part of my identity might be my boldness for Christ. I am not too afraid of sharing my passion for Christ; especially on Facebook, that’s for sure. I think a part of my role in the kingdom might be to inspire others. I do not wish to brag about myself, but to be truthful, I do often hear people say to me that I am an encouragement to them. Especially when I try and tackle new things; even when in my eyes it is not a necessarily good benefit to God’s kingdom, I find people always encouraging me and affirming me, telling me that I am doing amazing things for God’s kingdom. People do wow at me sometimes. But I really honestly think I have done nothing much for God’s kingdom. Maybe this is my journey, and this is just the beginning. I think I am well travelled, for the typical 20 year old college student. I think I’ve tried and done and experienced many things, for the typical 20 year old college student. Nothing too difficult though. God really blesses me with affirmation; a lot. I am truly blessed to often get encouraged by my peers in the things I do. It really helps me to believe that whatever I do, God planned it from the beginning. And whatever happens, God allowed it for good.
Maybe my identity is… a role model?

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