[musings] 10/24/16

yeah, I guess this has become something sort of like a once a month thing now, sorry…

life has been super busy honestly…

but I guess I’m writing again, because guess what!!!

I have problems.

dang! such new news, huh.

life is so difficult.

and everyone around me says the same thig



God is really good.

And GOSH Dangit.

my heart freaking hurts because He is so good.


honestly. haha life is so hard.

my thoughts are so jumbled. because life is really hard and complicated.

life is lonely yet He satisfies.

no one really truly thinks in the same mindset with each other.

life is truly lonely.

because God is the only one who can satisfy.

ugh maybe it’s the Final Fantasy getting to me, but wow why do I feel so melancholy right now.

B and B both left me so I’m alone studying in the library. Not even studying, just complaining actually…



why is my heart so sorrowful?

I don’t understand.

I mean I know it’s cause I feel lonely right now. But why do I feel so sorrowful?

I had a very good prayer session….but it ended with spiritual warfare and a disheartened spirit….why

I’m so disheartened right now…

God help me LORD.

Only You can fix this mess God..

You can have it all LORD.

Every part of my world.

Take this life and lead on

This heart that is now Yours.

God, I don’t want anything other than full satisfaction in You and You alone. God, only You are good, and You alone can fully satisfy me. Can You please come, and fill this void in my heart? Maybe I’m trying to fill it up with other things. Maybe I’m really putting other things before You, because it’s boring, or because it’s hard for me to truly focus on You, or maybe because I put my trust in other things. But God, would You be my one and only joy. Would You be my constant, constant joy. That nothing else would faze me. God, that You are so good. God I need You, oh, I need You so much. LORD, nothing else can satisfy me. I’m so alone, and afraid, and desperate, and needing, and worthless, only You can patch up this broken vessel God. Would You come down, for me? I’m so desperate for You. I’m lost without You. God, You alone are my strength. God, You are my Rock, my Shield, my Savior, my Friend, my Redeemer, my Father. I love You and miss You so much God. Really please come to me, Father God. It’s really hard. I need You so much God!!! Please, let’s grow in intimacy!!! My heart truly hurts. I need You, God, only You can mend this broken heart.


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